To the Esteemed Defender of Light

To the Esteemed Defender of Light (and Slightly Frazzled Individual),

Greetings! I am the daring Alchemist of the Seventh Atelier, purveyor of potent potables, concoctor of courageous cures, and your friendly neighborhood adventurer specializing in the… ahem… less sunny side of life. Has darkness been kicking your butt recently? 

Fear not, brave soul! For I have dedicated my life (and a considerable portion of my eyebrows) to brewing up the perfect arsenal against the encroaching gloom. Forget your rusty swords and flickering lanterns, my friend. I offer you a far more… effervescent approach. 

Within my collection of wares, you will find a selection of my most celebrated concoctions. Need a boost of bravery to face that fearsome Fuzzball? A swig of "Guts & Glory" will have you wrestling badgers for breakfast. Trouble sleeping with those Nightmare Sirens splashing outside your ocean vessel? "Slumber Serum" guarantees a blissful night's sleep, even in a Maelstrom. And for those particularly stubborn shadows clinging to your soul, a generous dose of "Ein Sof Essence" will have you radiating positivity like a miniature sun. (Warning: prolonged use may cause spontaneous singing and an uncontrollable urge to wear yellow).

I understand that in these trying times, one must be prudent with their coin. Therefore, I offer a special introductory discount for all first-time customers. Simply mention the code word "Fireflies" at checkout, and you shall receive a 10% reduction on your entire order. (Please note: the code word "Fireflies" is subject to change based on the migratory patterns of actual fireflies. Inquire within for the current code word).

So, peruse my wares, brave warrior! Let us banish the darkness together, one bubbling, brightly colored potion at a time. And remember, if you happen to encounter any particularly nasty Night Husks, please send a sample and notes on your encounter. For research purposes, of course. 

Yours in the fight against the evil eye, 

The Alchemist of the Seventh Atelier