To a Certain Gargantuan Client: A Formal Inquiry Regarding a Potion of Slumber

To Whom It May Concern: Odis the Unsleeping, Lord of the Molten Hoard, and Collector of Sunken Jewels.

From: Professor Nightshade, Proprietor of the Seventh Atelier and Purveyor of Potent Potions.

Date: The First Day of the Third Lunar Cycle, As Per My Last Correspondence.

Your esteemed letter has been received, delivered, I might add, with a rather significant singe mark on the corner and a distinct aroma of sulfur. While I appreciate the expediency of the delivery, the implied threat to "rearrange the geography of my little Tree-home" is noted with a certain level of professional consternation.

Regarding your recent purchase of the "Slumber Serum" (Standard Concentration, 1 fl. oz.), I must respectfully address your complaint that the potion "only made me briefly tired."

First, let me clarify the intended purpose and dosage of said potion. The vial you purchased contains a standard concentration of slumber-inducing essence, designed and meticulously brewed for creatures of average humanoid stature. For example, a single dram (or one-eighth of the vial) is sufficient to render a grumpy dwarf somnolent for a full twenty-four hours.

Now, let us consider the subject. Your esteemed personage, as a Class 5 Wyrm of the Fire Clan, is, by my own careful estimates, approximately 750 times the mass of your average dwarf. You possess a metabolism that can melt bedrock and an internal furnace that burns with the intensity of a dying sun.

To put it in simpler terms: using a standard, single-serving potion on a being of your considerable magnitude is akin to a human using a single drop of morning dew to extinguish a raging forest fire. The effect would, naturally, be negligible. You drank the equivalent of a human taking a single sniff of a calming herb before going on a five-mile jog.

Therefore, the reported "brief tiredness" is not a failure of the product but rather a predictable outcome of improper dosage. For your next order, I have taken the liberty of drafting a quote for the "Potion of Slumber (Draconic Concentration, 10-gallon barrel)." This enhanced brew is fermented with an elixir of crystallized sheep fluff and the dreams of a thousand sleeping giants, guaranteed to provide at least a century of undisturbed repose.

I trust this clarifies the matter. My refund policy, as detailed in my Magical Fine Print (which I am sure you can vaporize at will), does not cover misuse of my products.

I look forward to our continued business and to the preservation of the surrounding geography.

Yours in continued slumber,

Professor Nightshade